 | CF took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Is in need of immediate rest and relaxation. Long..."
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Saturday, July 18, 2009
Color personality quiz
This online test which determines your personality via a color selection quiz was uncannily accurate:
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Fourth of July ramblings
The Fourth of July made me think about fireworks, and yesterday's horoscope said a new relationship was about to take off with a bang. Which got me thinking about "romance"...
I have been single for a whopping three months, now...and well prepared for it since February.
I do not feel sad about my last relationship all the time.
I do not feel a longing to go back to my ex, only a vague melancholy that it did not work out.
I DO feel lonely.
I do feel like I am ready to start dating again.
Sort of.
I think.
Over the past 2-3 weeks I have started observing guys around me. I have met a few nice fellows who I wonder about as potential partners.
A few of them are roughly 10 years younger than me, and I have never even dated anyone my own age...always older...so I am not sure how that would work.
One is almost my age. Another is older.
None of them have shown any real interest in me.
:-(
None of them seem like my SOUL MATE (assuming such a thing exists).
Granted, I really do not know any of them that well, and opportunities to get to know them are limited in this environment.
Besides, if any of them are truly worthy of me, they will be the one to make advances! I pursued the last one and although we were together off and on for two years, for him I was never really that special, always expendable...a convenience relationship.
And I am NOT going to allow that to happen again!
So it's probably just best to leave it alone, much as I long to be part of a couple, to be wanted, cherished, to laugh and belong, and yes, to get physical with someone special again!
I am trying to take care of me.
Have recently renewed an effort to eat healthier after a 2 month lapse.
Am sleeping 8+ hours/night.
Am stretching and doing acupressure and went for a professional massage yesterday. I am hoping to get a massage bi-weekly and also go for at least one reiki treatment (tentatively scheduled for next week).
I try to walk a few miles on my days off, weather permitting...and providing my body feels up to it.
(I "should" get moving today and head for a lake walk before the storms develop.)
With this hectic work schedule, it's hard to keep up with creative pursuits, to nourish my soul and mind. I try to watch videos and documentaries and to read inspiring things online.
But I have very little energy for creating new jewelry, or even art journaling.
I have turned some of my recent photos into posters/greeting cards/mugs etc at Western Skies but have not done any jewelry making since leaving Denver.
I have my paint brushes and bought a few paints but do not have any canvases...maybe I will buy some in the coming week if they are not outrageously expensive in town.
Also I am running low on many personal care items which I normally purchase at WalMart. I need to find someone who will drive the 35 miles to Loveland for a gas money contribution.
I guess it's time to start asking around before I run out of necessities.
Ah, the joy.
Not feeling very patriotic or celebratory today, I'm afraid. Maybe this mood will lift at the evening festivities.
I have been single for a whopping three months, now...and well prepared for it since February.
I do not feel sad about my last relationship all the time.
I do not feel a longing to go back to my ex, only a vague melancholy that it did not work out.
I DO feel lonely.
I do feel like I am ready to start dating again.
Sort of.
I think.
Over the past 2-3 weeks I have started observing guys around me. I have met a few nice fellows who I wonder about as potential partners.
A few of them are roughly 10 years younger than me, and I have never even dated anyone my own age...always older...so I am not sure how that would work.
One is almost my age. Another is older.
None of them have shown any real interest in me.
:-(
None of them seem like my SOUL MATE (assuming such a thing exists).
Granted, I really do not know any of them that well, and opportunities to get to know them are limited in this environment.
Besides, if any of them are truly worthy of me, they will be the one to make advances! I pursued the last one and although we were together off and on for two years, for him I was never really that special, always expendable...a convenience relationship.
And I am NOT going to allow that to happen again!
So it's probably just best to leave it alone, much as I long to be part of a couple, to be wanted, cherished, to laugh and belong, and yes, to get physical with someone special again!
I am trying to take care of me.
Have recently renewed an effort to eat healthier after a 2 month lapse.
Am sleeping 8+ hours/night.
Am stretching and doing acupressure and went for a professional massage yesterday. I am hoping to get a massage bi-weekly and also go for at least one reiki treatment (tentatively scheduled for next week).
I try to walk a few miles on my days off, weather permitting...and providing my body feels up to it.
(I "should" get moving today and head for a lake walk before the storms develop.)
With this hectic work schedule, it's hard to keep up with creative pursuits, to nourish my soul and mind. I try to watch videos and documentaries and to read inspiring things online.
But I have very little energy for creating new jewelry, or even art journaling.
I have turned some of my recent photos into posters/greeting cards/mugs etc at Western Skies but have not done any jewelry making since leaving Denver.
I have my paint brushes and bought a few paints but do not have any canvases...maybe I will buy some in the coming week if they are not outrageously expensive in town.
Also I am running low on many personal care items which I normally purchase at WalMart. I need to find someone who will drive the 35 miles to Loveland for a gas money contribution.
I guess it's time to start asking around before I run out of necessities.
Ah, the joy.
Not feeling very patriotic or celebratory today, I'm afraid. Maybe this mood will lift at the evening festivities.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Elk Jam
I don't know why I am still amazed, after working in the parks for three years, at how wildlife can stop traffic cold. People will (and DO) park in the middle of a highway to take pics of wildlife.
Here at Estes Park it is usually elk (same at Grand Canyon). In the Grand Tetons it was moose and occasionally grizzly bear or bison.
Here at Estes Park it is usually elk (same at Grand Canyon). In the Grand Tetons it was moose and occasionally grizzly bear or bison.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
A Day in the Life...
...of a seasonal hospitality/tourism employee. Specifically, a retail associate (like myself).
First off, some of you may need clarification on what a "seasonal hospitality job" is. I recommend reading Adventure Workers to learn more about this intriguing field!
Having said that, some of the basics of this life include:
1)willingness to live in 1 room, often quite small, w/ at least 1 roommate, usually a complete stranger. All companies in the field have different set ups for room & board, but most deduct them from your paycheck.
2)low wages...usually starting at $7.20/hr and rarely above $9.50/hr w/the exception of management & highly skilled positions. Raises are rare. Promotion opportunities vary by company.
3)long hard work hours...be prepared to work as many as 10-12 hrs/day in peak tourist season.
4)willing/able to eat whatever is served in the Employee Dining Hall. Some facilities offer a wide variety of meal options daily while others have a single menu so if you have a restricted diet, this life is prob not for you.
5)dedication to service...you basically turn your life over to your boss & the tourists from day one
I have worked for 4 different companies in this field...Xanterra,Delaware North, Grand Teton Lodge Company, and Ocean Reef club. Each had its ups and downs.
I am currently w/ Xanterra at Rocky Mountain Nat Park in Colorado.
My personal experience regarding roommates has not been positive. I have been put in with alcoholics, disrespectful loud mouths, grumpy older people, a lady who bathed only once per week and wore the same clothes daily except when in work uniform, and even a male roommate (a 2 bd/2ba apt unit) who had attacked his previous 3 roommates and later flipped out on me.
Seasonal work is very popular among retirees, RVers, college students, and a growing segment of society who can't find work elsewhere for various reasons. Some do it to see the country. Some do it to save money towards their future. Some do it because no one else will hire them (see next to last paragraph)
These companies often promise lots of perks...I have repeatedly been promised 40 hr max work weeks only to end up working 48+ hrs, as many as 60hrs/wk.
I have been promised 2 consecutive days off many times only to have that change on a weekly basis.
My current job requires being ready at 8:30am (after 7:30 breakfast in the EDR~Employee Dining Room) for a 45 minute one way commute to the top of a 12000 ft high mountain, where altitude sickness is very real!
The store opens at 10am barring snow delays (such as we are in at this very moment! yes, in mid-June, the mtn top road needs plowed b4 we can get permission from the NPS to go up).
There are 6 retail cashiers and a cafe and a latte bar. Some days we get as many as 4 full tour busloads in the store at once! Chekout lines can be 5+ people long for extended periods.
In addition we are also required to clean, stock, package, and actas local area "experts" as well as keep the guests entertained.
It can make for VERY long days.
The store closes at 5pm and we are usually clocked out by 5:25pm at the latest (altho these hrs are set to change on June 19th) which means we get back to our housing facility (a converted hotel) by 6:15pm.
Dinner is served until 6:45pm and most evenings I am so tired I want to go to bed b4 9:30. Of course, my roommate is a night person and often stays up watching news or videos til 11pm. Thank heavens for ear plugs and sleeping pills!
So, while these jobs can take you to many fascinating places whose scenic beauty is unsurpassed, you also pay for mthe privilege in many ways. Free time for hiking or even plain REST is at a premium, not to mention "house" chores! UGH. We have 2 washers and 2 dryers for 50 employees. We can borrow vacuums and cleaning supplies (some co-workers conveniently forget that they took items others might need).
It certainly isn;t for everyone...and I have been trying to get out of the field for a year, now.
The main draw back of seasonal work is that when you try to re-enter the permanent work force, all they see on your resume (apparently) is that you were only at a job for 3 months or 6 months. They never seem to understand that's because the job only lasted 3-6 months.
It's a hard grind.
Hopefully this gives you a better understanding of what I go through almost daily and why I am so anxious to get out!
First off, some of you may need clarification on what a "seasonal hospitality job" is. I recommend reading Adventure Workers to learn more about this intriguing field!
Having said that, some of the basics of this life include:
1)willingness to live in 1 room, often quite small, w/ at least 1 roommate, usually a complete stranger. All companies in the field have different set ups for room & board, but most deduct them from your paycheck.
2)low wages...usually starting at $7.20/hr and rarely above $9.50/hr w/the exception of management & highly skilled positions. Raises are rare. Promotion opportunities vary by company.
3)long hard work hours...be prepared to work as many as 10-12 hrs/day in peak tourist season.
4)willing/able to eat whatever is served in the Employee Dining Hall. Some facilities offer a wide variety of meal options daily while others have a single menu so if you have a restricted diet, this life is prob not for you.
5)dedication to service...you basically turn your life over to your boss & the tourists from day one
I have worked for 4 different companies in this field...Xanterra,Delaware North, Grand Teton Lodge Company, and Ocean Reef club. Each had its ups and downs.
I am currently w/ Xanterra at Rocky Mountain Nat Park in Colorado.
My personal experience regarding roommates has not been positive. I have been put in with alcoholics, disrespectful loud mouths, grumpy older people, a lady who bathed only once per week and wore the same clothes daily except when in work uniform, and even a male roommate (a 2 bd/2ba apt unit) who had attacked his previous 3 roommates and later flipped out on me.
Seasonal work is very popular among retirees, RVers, college students, and a growing segment of society who can't find work elsewhere for various reasons. Some do it to see the country. Some do it to save money towards their future. Some do it because no one else will hire them (see next to last paragraph)
These companies often promise lots of perks...I have repeatedly been promised 40 hr max work weeks only to end up working 48+ hrs, as many as 60hrs/wk.
I have been promised 2 consecutive days off many times only to have that change on a weekly basis.
My current job requires being ready at 8:30am (after 7:30 breakfast in the EDR~Employee Dining Room) for a 45 minute one way commute to the top of a 12000 ft high mountain, where altitude sickness is very real!
The store opens at 10am barring snow delays (such as we are in at this very moment! yes, in mid-June, the mtn top road needs plowed b4 we can get permission from the NPS to go up).
There are 6 retail cashiers and a cafe and a latte bar. Some days we get as many as 4 full tour busloads in the store at once! Chekout lines can be 5+ people long for extended periods.
In addition we are also required to clean, stock, package, and actas local area "experts" as well as keep the guests entertained.
It can make for VERY long days.
The store closes at 5pm and we are usually clocked out by 5:25pm at the latest (altho these hrs are set to change on June 19th) which means we get back to our housing facility (a converted hotel) by 6:15pm.
Dinner is served until 6:45pm and most evenings I am so tired I want to go to bed b4 9:30. Of course, my roommate is a night person and often stays up watching news or videos til 11pm. Thank heavens for ear plugs and sleeping pills!
So, while these jobs can take you to many fascinating places whose scenic beauty is unsurpassed, you also pay for mthe privilege in many ways. Free time for hiking or even plain REST is at a premium, not to mention "house" chores! UGH. We have 2 washers and 2 dryers for 50 employees. We can borrow vacuums and cleaning supplies (some co-workers conveniently forget that they took items others might need).
It certainly isn;t for everyone...and I have been trying to get out of the field for a year, now.
The main draw back of seasonal work is that when you try to re-enter the permanent work force, all they see on your resume (apparently) is that you were only at a job for 3 months or 6 months. They never seem to understand that's because the job only lasted 3-6 months.
It's a hard grind.
Hopefully this gives you a better understanding of what I go through almost daily and why I am so anxious to get out!
Thursday, May 14, 2009
aching and overwhelmed
Things are all coming to "a head" or their culmination or whatever phrase you want to use for "my time in Denver is ending and my move to Estes is imminent".
I am overwhelmed because it FEELS like I have so much packing left to do (altho in reality it's actually mainly clothing...which still have to be washed!). I just feel like I haven't had time to breathe lately.
I am all worked up because I know my online time is going to go from very unlimited back down to under 4 hrs max/day...and I have so many online pursuits which I feel lost without and make no progress ON when that happened.
I have been trying to prioritize...what is REALLY important to me right now? I'll post more on this topic at Art on the Edge hopefully later today.
My Tees for Peace promotion and 2 Zazzle shops are at the top of my list.
I suppose #2 is maintaining my great twitter contacts and continue to promote/build traffic at my Squidoo sites in support of my main Zazzle pursuits.
Tomorrow is my last day of work and altho I will have Sat, Sun and Mon to get everything else accomplished, it feels overwhelming at the moment.
I still have to get to the bank (are they even open on Sat?) and do a WalMart shopping trip for necessities as there is no WalMart in Estes and I have no car or ride to the nearest one in Loveland or Longmont or whichever is closer.
I feel overwhelmed because I have no idea what's going to happen over the course of May 19th through late October besides I will be selling Native American handicrafts. Ok THAT I know I excel at...but who will my dorm roomie be? who will my co-workers be? will I be able to get from the dorms to downtown Estes w/o much difficulty? Will my body be able to cope with working at almost 12,000' altitude?
This last bit worries me because I get shortness of breath HERE at 6000'. Oddly I don't remember that being an issue at the canyon altho it was 7200'. Weird.
I am also having a lot of unexplained bruising and chest pain.
Today my lower back is so sore that getting up & down from my chair makes me cringe much of the time! I don't think mowing the lawn 2 days ago caused that...and if it was merely "sleeping funny" (at an odd angle) why didn't stretching acupressure and a warm shower help at all???
Actually to be honest the pain is under my lower ribcage on both side and extends around into my back when I press on it. It's my back and hips that hurt "consciously".
AFTER late October I have NO idea what will happen. The "plan" has been to return to settle in Denver. I hope to have enough money saved to get an apt here and pay sev mos rent upfront b4 I find work. If it is meant to be, it will be.
But lately I am really feeling compelled to resume the Mission to Morocco as other events seem to be pointing me in that direction.
(copied from yesterday because I want to focus energy here: I am also asking that if it is indeed part of my true path, my life purpose, I will somehow be led to "serve" in the Middle East or North Africa. I want to see the place where all three of the Abrahamic religions began. I know that is nearly impossible at the moment because if some "Islamic" nations know you have visited Israel (Jerusalem is on my list) they will not allow you entry, and vice versa.
Here is my list of Holy Lands (so to speak) I want to visit:
Jerusalem/Israel, Constantinople & Antioch & Ephesus/Turkey,Jordan, Egypt (esp Wadi Natrun), Yemen, as well as Morocco and possibly (new to my list) Ethiopia!
If it is truly what I am supposed to do, it WILL happen! )
More emotional overwhelm is taking place due to the changing of the nature of my relationship with Bill. We spoke last night and as of "now" we are saying not that we are ruling out EVER getting back together, but that we are not going to plan on it, or set a time frame...etc. We are trying to leave it open so that if ever the conditions are right for us to reunite and we both happen to be free when that occurs, it could happen.
In other words, I think we have found a way to end it without saying the words.
A semantic break-up...I guess you could call it.
I'm not sure how we are going to handle staying friends/keeping in touch. I feel like we do need some time to ease apart. I do wish he would dismantle the feng shui shrine to our relationship (I feel it is keeping us tied together) but he is not ready to let go.
I am also not really ready to let go, and at the same time I am desperate to move on...I do not want to date anyone again for many weeks if not months...but I want that breathing room where I feel free to do so if the right set of circumstances arise.
What I really need to do is focus on healing myself! I have a lifetime of pain and stress to cope with instead of repressing and ploughing ahead through the fears and feelings using meds as my "leveller". UGH
If you're curious you can read more at my bio page (warning: incs references to sex drugs & rock n'roll LOL)
Well the tea has gone cold. Sigh.
On to the next stressor of the day (ok I know negative thought pattern must change...)
sorry
I am overwhelmed because it FEELS like I have so much packing left to do (altho in reality it's actually mainly clothing...which still have to be washed!). I just feel like I haven't had time to breathe lately.
I am all worked up because I know my online time is going to go from very unlimited back down to under 4 hrs max/day...and I have so many online pursuits which I feel lost without and make no progress ON when that happened.
I have been trying to prioritize...what is REALLY important to me right now? I'll post more on this topic at Art on the Edge hopefully later today.
My Tees for Peace promotion and 2 Zazzle shops are at the top of my list.
I suppose #2 is maintaining my great twitter contacts and continue to promote/build traffic at my Squidoo sites in support of my main Zazzle pursuits.
Tomorrow is my last day of work and altho I will have Sat, Sun and Mon to get everything else accomplished, it feels overwhelming at the moment.
I still have to get to the bank (are they even open on Sat?) and do a WalMart shopping trip for necessities as there is no WalMart in Estes and I have no car or ride to the nearest one in Loveland or Longmont or whichever is closer.
I feel overwhelmed because I have no idea what's going to happen over the course of May 19th through late October besides I will be selling Native American handicrafts. Ok THAT I know I excel at...but who will my dorm roomie be? who will my co-workers be? will I be able to get from the dorms to downtown Estes w/o much difficulty? Will my body be able to cope with working at almost 12,000' altitude?
This last bit worries me because I get shortness of breath HERE at 6000'. Oddly I don't remember that being an issue at the canyon altho it was 7200'. Weird.
I am also having a lot of unexplained bruising and chest pain.
Today my lower back is so sore that getting up & down from my chair makes me cringe much of the time! I don't think mowing the lawn 2 days ago caused that...and if it was merely "sleeping funny" (at an odd angle) why didn't stretching acupressure and a warm shower help at all???
Actually to be honest the pain is under my lower ribcage on both side and extends around into my back when I press on it. It's my back and hips that hurt "consciously".
AFTER late October I have NO idea what will happen. The "plan" has been to return to settle in Denver. I hope to have enough money saved to get an apt here and pay sev mos rent upfront b4 I find work. If it is meant to be, it will be.
But lately I am really feeling compelled to resume the Mission to Morocco as other events seem to be pointing me in that direction.
(copied from yesterday because I want to focus energy here: I am also asking that if it is indeed part of my true path, my life purpose, I will somehow be led to "serve" in the Middle East or North Africa. I want to see the place where all three of the Abrahamic religions began. I know that is nearly impossible at the moment because if some "Islamic" nations know you have visited Israel (Jerusalem is on my list) they will not allow you entry, and vice versa.
Here is my list of Holy Lands (so to speak) I want to visit:
Jerusalem/Israel, Constantinople & Antioch & Ephesus/Turkey,Jordan, Egypt (esp Wadi Natrun), Yemen, as well as Morocco and possibly (new to my list) Ethiopia!
If it is truly what I am supposed to do, it WILL happen! )
More emotional overwhelm is taking place due to the changing of the nature of my relationship with Bill. We spoke last night and as of "now" we are saying not that we are ruling out EVER getting back together, but that we are not going to plan on it, or set a time frame...etc. We are trying to leave it open so that if ever the conditions are right for us to reunite and we both happen to be free when that occurs, it could happen.
In other words, I think we have found a way to end it without saying the words.
A semantic break-up...I guess you could call it.
I'm not sure how we are going to handle staying friends/keeping in touch. I feel like we do need some time to ease apart. I do wish he would dismantle the feng shui shrine to our relationship (I feel it is keeping us tied together) but he is not ready to let go.
I am also not really ready to let go, and at the same time I am desperate to move on...I do not want to date anyone again for many weeks if not months...but I want that breathing room where I feel free to do so if the right set of circumstances arise.
What I really need to do is focus on healing myself! I have a lifetime of pain and stress to cope with instead of repressing and ploughing ahead through the fears and feelings using meds as my "leveller". UGH
If you're curious you can read more at my bio page (warning: incs references to sex drugs & rock n'roll LOL)
Well the tea has gone cold. Sigh.
On to the next stressor of the day (ok I know negative thought pattern must change...)
sorry
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
a few updates & additions
One week from today I will be moving to Estes Park, CO to start my new job at RMNP selling Native American handicrafts at Trail Ridge Gift Store.
I have barely just started packing but even small progress is good at this stage.
It's a sunny breezy day in Denver about 70 F but for some reason unless I'm out IN the sun I'm feeling chilled. Could just be the mild (very mild) sunburn I got over the two previous days.
I have a deep case (as I do EVERY month) of PMDD. The day after I get my period is the WORST day in my cycle (sorry if TMI for any guys who may be reading). I have intense anger, headaches, deep sorrow...often despairing suicidal thoughts.
The ONLY good thing about this is that I KNOW it is a "normal" part of my monthly cycle and tomorrow it will be finished.
I still will never be able to say I'm happy about being biologically female as I lose half of every stinking month to emotional wreckage brought about by hormonal fluctuations...and I have NEVER intended to have a child, nor will I.
Pisses me off.
Rant over.
I did some more thinking about the topic of the previous post (ie nature of God/religion).
I was thinking things along the lines of not WWJD but What DID Jeses (actually) Do???
That led me to think about what would happen if Jesus were born today.
Let's examine a few possible scenarios (Christians may want to leave NOW but could stay & give it some thought)...
If Jesus were born today, or say had he been born about 20 years ago, can you just imagine him walking into the "temple" (for our purposes let's say the Vatican/Pope are "The Temple") and over-throwing holy relics or church funds and calling them blasphemers.
The dude would be in prison and executed for his crimes before he'd ever had a chance to preach a message of peace and love and acceptance.
Yeah, ok, I know this is over-simplifying it, but...it was on my mind.
Christians would witness miracles and call them either magic or satanic.
Few would (will?) truly recognize the second coming.
Sad.
I've discovered a website called The TRUE Teachings of Jesus (which have nothing to do with forcing others to convert, etc)...you may want to look it up.
I (of course) also recommend you read my articles on Christianity in Islamic Lands, Islam for non-Muslims, and Religions of Iran (NOT an all Islamic nation).
Then, if you support PEACE, head on over to Art on the Edge or Tams Tees and especially Tees for Peace! to find out more about how YOU can get involved in educating others and showing your support of a peaceful nation based on understanding and compassion between races, nations and religions!
twitter has been down for maintenance for over 100 minutes now (but who's counting hahaha)
tho it was only scheduled to last an hour.
Well, I did say I was gonna stay off it until 4pm so maybe they are making me keep my word.
meh
I am trying to continue my readings on early church history and so forth but finding time and inner peace to do so is difficult in my over~whelmed life.
I do not know where to cut back.
I am asking for Divine Guidance. You do not have to be any certain (or even ANY) religion to pray!
I am also asking that if it is indeed part of my true path, my life purpose, I will somehow be led to "serve" in the Middle East or North Africa. I want to see the place where all three of the Abrahamic religions began. I know that is nearly impossible at the moment because if some "Islamic" nations know you have visited Israel (Jerusalem is on my list) they will not allow you entry, and vice versa.
Here is my list of Holy Lands (so to speak) I want to visit:
Jerusalem/Israel, Constantinople & Antioch & Ephesus/Turkey,Jordan, Egypt (esp Wadi Natrun), Yemen, as well as Morocco and possibly (new to my list) Ethiopia!
If it is truly what I am supposed to do, it WILL happen!
I have barely just started packing but even small progress is good at this stage.
It's a sunny breezy day in Denver about 70 F but for some reason unless I'm out IN the sun I'm feeling chilled. Could just be the mild (very mild) sunburn I got over the two previous days.
I have a deep case (as I do EVERY month) of PMDD. The day after I get my period is the WORST day in my cycle (sorry if TMI for any guys who may be reading). I have intense anger, headaches, deep sorrow...often despairing suicidal thoughts.
The ONLY good thing about this is that I KNOW it is a "normal" part of my monthly cycle and tomorrow it will be finished.
I still will never be able to say I'm happy about being biologically female as I lose half of every stinking month to emotional wreckage brought about by hormonal fluctuations...and I have NEVER intended to have a child, nor will I.
Pisses me off.
Rant over.
I did some more thinking about the topic of the previous post (ie nature of God/religion).
I was thinking things along the lines of not WWJD but What DID Jeses (actually) Do???
That led me to think about what would happen if Jesus were born today.
Let's examine a few possible scenarios (Christians may want to leave NOW but could stay & give it some thought)...
If Jesus were born today, or say had he been born about 20 years ago, can you just imagine him walking into the "temple" (for our purposes let's say the Vatican/Pope are "The Temple") and over-throwing holy relics or church funds and calling them blasphemers.
The dude would be in prison and executed for his crimes before he'd ever had a chance to preach a message of peace and love and acceptance.
Yeah, ok, I know this is over-simplifying it, but...it was on my mind.
Christians would witness miracles and call them either magic or satanic.
Few would (will?) truly recognize the second coming.
Sad.
I've discovered a website called The TRUE Teachings of Jesus (which have nothing to do with forcing others to convert, etc)...you may want to look it up.
I (of course) also recommend you read my articles on Christianity in Islamic Lands, Islam for non-Muslims, and Religions of Iran (NOT an all Islamic nation).
Then, if you support PEACE, head on over to Art on the Edge or Tams Tees and especially Tees for Peace! to find out more about how YOU can get involved in educating others and showing your support of a peaceful nation based on understanding and compassion between races, nations and religions!
twitter has been down for maintenance for over 100 minutes now (but who's counting hahaha)
tho it was only scheduled to last an hour.
Well, I did say I was gonna stay off it until 4pm so maybe they are making me keep my word.
meh
I am trying to continue my readings on early church history and so forth but finding time and inner peace to do so is difficult in my over~whelmed life.
I do not know where to cut back.
I am asking for Divine Guidance. You do not have to be any certain (or even ANY) religion to pray!
I am also asking that if it is indeed part of my true path, my life purpose, I will somehow be led to "serve" in the Middle East or North Africa. I want to see the place where all three of the Abrahamic religions began. I know that is nearly impossible at the moment because if some "Islamic" nations know you have visited Israel (Jerusalem is on my list) they will not allow you entry, and vice versa.
Here is my list of Holy Lands (so to speak) I want to visit:
Jerusalem/Israel, Constantinople & Antioch & Ephesus/Turkey,Jordan, Egypt (esp Wadi Natrun), Yemen, as well as Morocco and possibly (new to my list) Ethiopia!
If it is truly what I am supposed to do, it WILL happen!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Trying to Find "God"
This could be a very long post...and may be added to throughout the day or even week.
It is a lifelong topic, for me.
Who is God? What is God? IS there a God?
Why does God allow bad things? Why has God allowed me to be so hurt so many times?
Am I evil?
Do I have to attend church?
If a person attends church for social reasons only but doesn't follow the teachings of Christ, will he still go to heaven?
Do people who are morally good all their lives and act according to the Golden Rule automatically go to Hell?
My family attended a Lutheran ELCA church every Sunday until I was 13 or so. Then I decided I was not going any more. The only time they practiced anything like Christianity was IN church for that 90 minutes on Sunday morning. My mom actually taught Bible school (I think...one of the many missing or incorrect memories of my early life) but I was not in her class.
I do not know what happened in my early teen years that specifically caused me to feel so strongly that church was NOT for me. Maybe the fact that this congregation was very much of the dress up, look your best variety.
People, GOD does NOT care about my hair, my clothing or my jewelry!
Still, the experience affected me so strongly it makes me over-anxious when I think about going to church NOW that I have mild panic that I'll wear, do, or say the "wrong" thing.
I am reciting a new personal "litany":
"There is no "right" or "wrong", there just IS, and the way others react is not for ME to worry about."
Since then I have been "all over the place" with my belief system...mostly "agnostic". And yet the teachings of those early years must have somehow been deeply imbedded in me, because I have a terrible fear of Hell, of doing church "wrong", and of the fact that I know so little about what I'm "supposed" to believe.
I have taken aspects of many religions and combined them with "superstitions" to form a very weird hodge podge of "beliefs" and rituals, but not FAITH.
I do not have faith because I see so much hatred and killing in the name of God. Any omnipotent omniscient benevolent being would not allow this, IMO.
(other topics to be insterted here at a future date...in a bit of a hurry now)
I want to study religious history and comparative religions but I believe that all faiths ultimately worship the same "God" no matter what name they call him by. I think there is a Buddhist (?)saying like "Many paths to the same mountain top." (more on this later)
I am actually going to attend a Byzantine Cathloc service this morning with my roommate. Not that I really have a clue what Byzantine Catholic is. I am going out of curiosity more than belief...but also out of a need to see if this feels like a truly HOLY community/church.
I am looking for holiness in whatever destination I finally decide on...I am looking for a congregation that practices what it preaches, day in and day out.
Funny.
ANY type of Catholic would seem to be the last thing I would consider. I have real major issues with Catholicism. But it is possible I am misinformed, or simply do not understand why some things ARE.
If someone could teach me why its ok to sin all week and confess and be forgiven simply by rote reciting certain prayers...maybe I'd feel differently.
At some point I might seek to speak to a priest or Catholic theology professor about such issues.
If I feel drawn to anything right now, it is Eastern Orthodox, but that is aminly because of symbolism/ritual. I know practically NOTHING about the church. I am curious about Ethipian and Coptic Orthodox as well.
I'm pretty sure that, despite my upbringing, I am not really a Lutheran. I've only ever attened one Lutheran church taht felt in any way HOLY, and that was because there were some good people there. But for me it was more of a social thing at a time when I was even more lost than I am now (hard to believe, huh?)...yes, I am guilty of what I have accused others of, I know and freely admit!
I need to pause here but there will be additions... if not today then later in the week.
Thanks for reading!
It is a lifelong topic, for me.
Who is God? What is God? IS there a God?
Why does God allow bad things? Why has God allowed me to be so hurt so many times?
Am I evil?
Do I have to attend church?
If a person attends church for social reasons only but doesn't follow the teachings of Christ, will he still go to heaven?
Do people who are morally good all their lives and act according to the Golden Rule automatically go to Hell?
My family attended a Lutheran ELCA church every Sunday until I was 13 or so. Then I decided I was not going any more. The only time they practiced anything like Christianity was IN church for that 90 minutes on Sunday morning. My mom actually taught Bible school (I think...one of the many missing or incorrect memories of my early life) but I was not in her class.
I do not know what happened in my early teen years that specifically caused me to feel so strongly that church was NOT for me. Maybe the fact that this congregation was very much of the dress up, look your best variety.
People, GOD does NOT care about my hair, my clothing or my jewelry!
Still, the experience affected me so strongly it makes me over-anxious when I think about going to church NOW that I have mild panic that I'll wear, do, or say the "wrong" thing.
I am reciting a new personal "litany":
"There is no "right" or "wrong", there just IS, and the way others react is not for ME to worry about."
Since then I have been "all over the place" with my belief system...mostly "agnostic". And yet the teachings of those early years must have somehow been deeply imbedded in me, because I have a terrible fear of Hell, of doing church "wrong", and of the fact that I know so little about what I'm "supposed" to believe.
I have taken aspects of many religions and combined them with "superstitions" to form a very weird hodge podge of "beliefs" and rituals, but not FAITH.
I do not have faith because I see so much hatred and killing in the name of God. Any omnipotent omniscient benevolent being would not allow this, IMO.
(other topics to be insterted here at a future date...in a bit of a hurry now)
I want to study religious history and comparative religions but I believe that all faiths ultimately worship the same "God" no matter what name they call him by. I think there is a Buddhist (?)saying like "Many paths to the same mountain top." (more on this later)
I am actually going to attend a Byzantine Cathloc service this morning with my roommate. Not that I really have a clue what Byzantine Catholic is. I am going out of curiosity more than belief...but also out of a need to see if this feels like a truly HOLY community/church.
I am looking for holiness in whatever destination I finally decide on...I am looking for a congregation that practices what it preaches, day in and day out.
Funny.
ANY type of Catholic would seem to be the last thing I would consider. I have real major issues with Catholicism. But it is possible I am misinformed, or simply do not understand why some things ARE.
If someone could teach me why its ok to sin all week and confess and be forgiven simply by rote reciting certain prayers...maybe I'd feel differently.
At some point I might seek to speak to a priest or Catholic theology professor about such issues.
If I feel drawn to anything right now, it is Eastern Orthodox, but that is aminly because of symbolism/ritual. I know practically NOTHING about the church. I am curious about Ethipian and Coptic Orthodox as well.
I'm pretty sure that, despite my upbringing, I am not really a Lutheran. I've only ever attened one Lutheran church taht felt in any way HOLY, and that was because there were some good people there. But for me it was more of a social thing at a time when I was even more lost than I am now (hard to believe, huh?)...yes, I am guilty of what I have accused others of, I know and freely admit!
I need to pause here but there will be additions... if not today then later in the week.
Thanks for reading!
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